The first week of college: otherwise known as the scramble to make friends. Oftentimes friendships generate out of fear of being alone. This anxiety, though, sometimes leads to befriending people you really shouldn’t. The longer you maintain a relationship, regardless of its detrimental nature, the harder it is to escape. Here are some behaviors to watch out for when qualifying someone as a real or fake friend… before it’s too late.
Real: Goes the Extra Mile
It was 3 AM and I had just broken up with my boyfriend. Despite the early hour, my friend managed to pick up my call and console my sobs. As expected, her wise words soothed me to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was shocked to see her beside my bed with a warm Starbucks Peppermint Mocha. The coffee didn’t remedy my broken heart, but it showed the distance she’d go to make me happy.
People who surpass expectations are more than acquaintances. They value you enough to put in the effort to be awesome friends. Don’t always expect a free Starbucks waiting for you in the morning, but those who go out of their way to help you are people you need in your life.
Fake: Doesn’t Listen
The unwritten friendship contract commits you to being part of a support network. In a new environment with new people, you should find those you can rely on and trust. It guides and keeps you emotionally sane through the confusion of college.
If people continually demand your attention to their problems, but do not reciprocate that behavior to yours, they don’t regard you as worth their effort. They use you out of convenience; you’re their emotional garbage can. Although it isn’t always fun to listen to others’ anguish, real friends take up that responsibility willingly.
I have a ‘friend’ who always texts me for advice in the form of crying emoticons whenever she has a life crisis. Once I’ve provided my 19-year-old wisdom, I reveal my own current struggles. I usually receive, “That sucks. I’m sorry.” Better than a “kk,” I guess. Let’s just say I no longer provide essays of assistance.
Real: Allows You to Be Yourself
When you arrive to college, nobody knows or cares about your high school identity. You can become the better person you always wanted. And while self-improvement is healthy, never force reinvention. If you feel the need to transform yourself from a level 80, shiny Pokémon master to a muscled jock, you don’t belong.
Friendships thrive on similar senses of humor, values and interests. Find those, and you’ve got a friend. Not everyone is compatible, and that’s okay. It’s simply impossible to get along with everyone. Next time you force conversation with a potential friend, politely ditch him to train your Pokémon for the second round of the Elite Four.
Fake: Uses You as a Last Resort
Summer fun only lasts so long. People leave and the crew of fifteen dwindles down to three. That’s when my ‘close friend’ breaks her month-long silence. Suddenly, she inundates me with requests to hang out and upsetting comments that I haven’t talked to her in “sooo long.” Should I assume my weekly texts weren’t ignored and simply disappeared into thin air? Definitely not.
I know she contacts me as a last resort. Everyone else is gone and suddenly I gain significance. You aren’t the last thought on a real friend’s mind. You’re a constant part of her life.
Real: Enjoys Silence
There’s one way to pass the real friendship test: feeling comfortable enough for silence. When meeting a person for the first time, we usually feel inclined to fill silence with random comments because silence is awkward.
On the other hand, when you’re with someone whom you know well, you derive satisfaction from just being in each other’s presence. I spend most of my free time sitting in silence with my roommate. She watches movies and I plant crops as a farmer in Harvest Moon. We do our separate activities, but by being beside one another, we enjoy the silence of a bright laptop screen and the tapping of my Nintendo DS.
Differentiating between real and fake friends is simple. If you feel wanted, congratulations, you have a genuine friend. If you feel neglected and used, you need to stop allowing yourself to be manipulated. It’s hard to write people off when you developed relationships with them. But in the long run, having a mutual friendship is the healthiest option.
Main image: giphy.com
Friends are extremely important and friendship is a major part of our lives. If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that friends are awesome. Having friends is similar to having family. During the good times and the bad, through thick and thin, your best friends are there for you. They are the people that you can count on in your greatest time of need. They can help you in times of trouble, and be there to enjoy and share the great parts of your life too. Our friends are the people we can rely on to give us the much needed support and comfort that we all seek in life. Knowing that you have friends is a wonderful feeling but something that we learn a lot about us as we get older is our two types of friends. There are various types of friends.
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There are friends that are very great and have friendships that have great depth and longevity, and there are also some friends that are not that good in keeping relationships and only have friendships that are only short-lived and somewhat superficial but time cannot always tell whether that friend is real or not. So what really are the two types of friends? These two types of friends are our “so called friends” or fake friends and our real friends. According to the Urban Dictionary, a fake friend is someone who only acts as your friend when they require a service from you.
A fake friend is someone who uses you, talks to you even though they don’t like you and they only talk to you to damage your social life. Fake friends can be very jealous and insecure and they talk behind your back without regrets. On the other hand, a real friend is someone who is always by your side and has a special place in your heart. Real friends are always there to protect and defend you; they are the people who always believe you when no one else believes in you.
Sometimes, it is hard to differentiate our fake friends from our true friends. It takes time to know their differences. So, in order to differentiate them, you must know their similarities and differences. Fake: Asks for favors often, but never offers to do favors for you. In fact, they may refuse or feel burdened if they do anything for you Real: Will offer to help before you even ask and if you do ask, they help out, willingly and without resentment
Fake: Talks about you behind your back Real: If they have a problem with you, they discuss it, face to face, and in a respectful and mature manner.
Fake: One-dimensional. They see only their needs and is oblivious to needs of others. They often use you as a sounding board and you rarely get a word in. Real: They are in-tune enough to sense your pain, your needs and are supportive. They are the type who listens attentively and with concern and interest. Each of you will have your time to vent and be heard. It won’t be one-sided as it is with a fake friend.
Fake: Full of excuses for why they have no time for you – often only coming around when they want something and that something isn’t YOU Real: Wants to make time for you because they genuinely enjoy being with you and “choose” to nurture the friendship
Fake: Their actions don’t back up their words. Promises are often broken and you can’t trust much of what they say or do. You never really get to know who they are because they wear a mask of deception. Real: Their actions are proportionate to their words, instilling trust and dependability. They are the first person you think of where trust is concerned. You know them in depth because they have opened up in a way that allows you to know and trust them.
Fake: Makes fun of your imperfections, passing their words off as a joke Real: Overlooks your imperfections and if you choose to improve yourself, they are encouraging and supportive. They may even join in.
Fake: Will try to lead you down a destructive path Real: Will encourage you to go down a constructive path. They will be by your side as you do.
Fake: Will drain your energy dry, often causing you stress in their presence. Real: Will enhance your energy and make you feel more alive.
Fake: Cuts you down quite frequently. You begin to wonder if they are jealous or very insecure. Real: Builds you up and acknowledges your accomplishments, no matter how small. They are happy about good things happening to you as if they were happening to them. They aren’t jealous, but encouraging.
Fake: You feel like running from Real: You feel like running to